On disappearing for a while, rebuilding a life and finding myself with a head full of possibilities again.
If you used to follow me on social media, you might have wondered where I went. I was once forever sharing something: the animals, the garden, whatever I was making, cooking or getting myself involved in. Then I became much quieter, and there’s quite a lot of life between the person you might remember and the one sitting here writing this.
The short version is that I lost my home and business, went through bankruptcy and spent the next few years trying to put a life back together. Which is quite a sentence to write about yourself. There ought to at least be tea and a decent biscuit involved.
I’ve thought about how much of this to share. Bankruptcy isn’t an especially comfortable subject, particularly when you’ve previously shared the lovely things you were building and felt enormously proud of them. But it happened, and leaving it out altogether would leave a fairly substantial gap in the story.
Before all of that, I’d built and run businesses I loved. Hidden Treasure House, The Woman That Farms and the other things I’d created involved an enormous amount of work, imagination and enthusiasm. They were full of people, animals, gardens, food and ideas, often several happening at once. I loved making something out of an idea and watching people enjoy it.
Losing so much took a great deal out of me. By the time I needed to start again, I also needed time to rebuild the person who would be doing the starting.
Getting on with the life in front of me
Some of that rebuilding happened in circumstances I would never have chosen. There was sleeping rough, living in a van and eventually making a home in a caravan. Through it all, keeping us and the dogs together mattered enormously to me. I’ve never regretted that decision.
If you’ve read some of the other stories here, you’ll already know that I did my best to make wherever we were living comfortable and lovely. There were blankets, lamps, flowers, things growing in pots and something good to eat whenever I could manage it. I still wanted to enjoy my surroundings. I still had dogs who needed walking and feeding, and who remained magnificently uninterested in whether I had a sensible plan for the future.
There were lovely evenings and ridiculous moments mixed in with the difficult ones. We went for walks, met people, cooked meals and found things to laugh about. None of that removed the problems, but those parts of our lives mattered too, and I’m glad I didn’t miss all of them while waiting for everything else to improve.
Gradually, I reached a point where I felt ready to take on more again. I went to work in someone else’s rural business, in exchange for somewhere to stay and food, and ended up spending fifteen months there.
Fifteen months of growing things
I did an enormous amount during that time. The garden was an empty space when I arrived, and I put my heart into it: growing vegetables, creating flower displays, filling the glasshouse and making places that were both productive and beautiful.
There were tomatoes in quantities that suggested I had considerable faith in everyone’s appetite for tomatoes. Pumpkins and squash found their way into the displays outside and eventually into the kitchen. I could look out of the caravan and see the results of work I’d done with my own hands, and that gave me immense pleasure.
My work extended well beyond the garden. I became involved in different parts of the business, using skills I already had and learning as I went. There was plenty to get stuck into, and I loved being useful, making things happen and having work I cared about.
It helped me get my confidence back. I could see what I was capable of again, whether that was something growing, something I’d organised or a practical problem I’d worked out how to solve. After everything that had happened, having that evidence in front of me meant a great deal.
I met some wonderful people too, including friends I expect to have for life. I found paid gardening work elsewhere, cooked meals in a proper kitchen and spent happy evenings around a table with people whose company I enjoyed. I have very fond memories of that time.
It didn’t end well, as some of you will know, but I remain immensely proud of what I did there. I loved my work, I stood my ground when I needed to, and I can still look at the photographs and feel delighted by what I created. There’s a whole garden’s worth of evidence, should I ever need reminding.
A busy head, even when I was quiet
Alongside the work, I spent a great deal of time studying and researching. I was interested in businesses, in how they operated, in what people wanted to buy and in the practical work involved in getting an idea off the ground.
Having run businesses myself, I had plenty of experience to draw on, including things I’d do differently. I wanted to keep learning. I looked into opportunities, explored ideas and thought about what I might eventually want to create again.
I’ve always loved that part: noticing something with potential and beginning to work out what it could become. Then come the questions, the research, the costs, the name, the presentation and all the little details that turn an appealing thought into something you can actually do something with. I can happily lose myself in it.
For a while, much of that happened quietly. I wasn’t sharing every thought online or announcing every new possibility. I was working, learning and giving myself time to consider what I wanted my own working life to look like.
I’m pleased I kept that curiosity. Even when I had very little to work with, I still wanted to know what might be possible.
Beginning to make things again
Untamed Nomad has been taking shape out of all of this: the things I’ve always loved, the experiences of the last few years and the ideas I’m excited to explore now.
There are Scotties, obviously. Trying to tell the story of my life without them would be an ambitious piece of fiction. There’s food, gardening, beautiful things, unexpected adventures and the pleasure of making an ordinary day feel like one you’re glad to have had.
There’s also room for the practical side of living differently: making use of what you know, finding ways to earn, learning something useful and creating comfort with whatever happens to be available. I’ve had plenty of practice, and I’d like some of that experience to be useful to someone else.
I’m beginning to create my own businesses and products again, with a particular interest in developing opportunities that could help other people build something of their own. There’s more work to do on that, and I’ll share it as it takes shape.
For now, I wanted to fill in a little of the gap. If you’ve wondered where I’ve been, I’ve been working, growing things, studying, meeting good people and slowly finding my feet. There have been some thoroughly difficult bits, but there’s also a great deal I’m proud of and much I remember with real affection.
It’s lovely to have somewhere to share it all again. Although, between seven Scotties and a growing collection of ideas, I suspect we can safely rule out a quiet return.
Magic and mischief, always.
Keep wandering
Look What I Grew →